My
whole life I have always been a spectator. I do not take risks, especially when
there is a chance that I may get hurt in the process. In class, if I have an
opinion or an answer, I rarely voice it because there is a chance that it may
be wrong, even if I know the answer is correct. I have had so many great
opportunities and, for the most part, I let them float past, too worried about
everything else to do anything else. I would love to do so many more things in
this world, but I am being held back, held back by I force that I do not know
how to conquer. That force, just happens to be, myself.
I
convince myself not to voice my opinions of books or poems out loud because my
opinion could be wrong and I have to be perfect. Everything I do and say must be
free from flaws and imperfections. This prevents me from creating solid and
long-lasting relationships; I slowly withdraw if I see myself getting too close
with any one person. I feel like I have built a wall around myself that no one
can break down, including me.
This impenetrable
force makes my journey through life much harder than it needs to be. I worry
that everyone is watching, waiting for me to mess up so that they may ridicule
me to no end. Though I know this is not the case, people still talk behind
others’ backs and that adds another layer of resistance to my barricade.
I worry and care too
much about what other people think, but I have to come to a place where I can
come to terms with myself so that I can tear down that wall and face the world
with my head held high. It’s all in my head and only I can be the one to say
‘enough is enough’ and move on with my life. All that’s left to do is figure
out how to do it.
it's hard to write a response to this, because it's so deeply personal, but it was really well written.
ReplyDeletei really love how you put your heart into this. i'm sure you're awesome and you just need to get out of your comfort zone a little bit. I love how you wrote this how you organized it all. Awesome job
ReplyDeleteThere is no purpose in chasing perfection. It simply does not exist. Perfection is only an idea that is impossible to reach, and it only makes everything look worse in comparison.
ReplyDeleteBesides, we would all love to hear about what you thought about anything we've discussed. Opinions/views can't be wrong
In the immortal words of Skrillex: "All I ask of you, is open up a little bit more"
I feel like this it really well written and it takes a lot of guts to say things like this. it is hard to speak up in class because you're afraid of what other will say against it. You should know that in the end, nobody really cares. We're all waiting for that one person to say something in class to get the conversation going, so most likely people will be relieved when you speak up! I hope you find the confidence to do so, because it will make you that much more of an asset in the classroom and outside of it:)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was reading this, I felt that is very much resembled me. Speaking up in class is hard to do, trust me, I know how you feel. Unless you are positive that you are correct, you usually don't voice your answers. You want to be viewed as a smart person who seems to be perfect. I think there is a very valid reason for being this way. No one wants to be wrong, but you can never learn from your mistakes unless you voice your opinions and answers. Have you ever been on class and a teacher asked a question, and you knew the answer to it, bit there was the slightest percent that you could be wrong, so you stay quiet? And when the teacher says the answer you are right? Then you get that feeling of 'oh why didn't I just speak up'. It isn't easy to speak up for some people, but you can't be so hard on yourself. From your writing, I can see that you are a very intelligent /well spoken person. Try to build a confidence in yourself. I promise you that if you speak up and get the wrong answer it isn't the end of the world. Most people wot even notice. People are too busy concerned about themselves than to be judging you on every little academic mistake. It isn't easy if you built up wall, but just try to unbuild that wall everyday. You will feel much more happy that you did on the long run. :)
ReplyDeleteThis writing was very deep because it exposed a vulnerability that people do not detect in daily life. I liked how the format of the writing flowed very nicely, and I thought it was very well written. Great work :)
ReplyDelete